As a mom of five, it’s a routine part of heading anywhere in public — “What do you do if you get lost?” I shout from the front of my Mom Van over the chaos. “Find a worker!” one of my kids yells back. “Find a cop!” another says. But in a viral TikTok posted by Kari Rogerson, her husband instructs their three kids to “find a mom with a crossbody purse… they know everything.”
And, TBH, his advice tracks. Some reports point to the perception that “crossbody moms” are organized, no-nonsense, and ready for anything, with an eye for the practical, not necessarily fashionable, bag. Of course that’s who you’d want in an emergency, right?
Dale Bendler, a former CIA officer and owner and founder of ONE.61 Young Adult Safety Online Course in Miami, agrees (well, at least about the mom part). “If you see another mom with kids, approach her. If there are no kids around, approach a woman or teenage girl. At the mall, park, or school — it does not matter,” he says, pointing to data that most sex offenders are male.
Of course, many dads are quite helpful, too, though the dad in the TikTok video jokes in a self-deprecating way, “Don’t find a dad. They know nothing.” Though his solid overview of what to do ahead of their mall trip says otherwise (well done!).
Crossbody moms everywhere agree — they’re on a mission.
In response to Rogerson’s TikTok, crossbody moms themselves weighed in, confirming this advice is right on. “If you are in distress and if you need help, find one of us… we’ve already noticed!” one crossbody mom says. Commenters chimed in, too:
- “Moms wearing crossbody purses have both hands free and are READY to help.”
- “I’m gonna double down. Find me, I’m a grandma with a cross body purse. We have superpowers.”
- “As a mom with a crossbody purse, you are my child until we find your parents, and even then, I will need to quadruple-check. And we have snacks.”
- “As a mom with a crossbody purse, you better believe I won’t quit until these kids find their family.”
- “Crossbody wearing mom here. I’ve helped two lost children at the same mall!!”
- “I am a former teacher with a crossbody who travels for work. In two separate airports in the last month, I have had random kids come stand with me, clearly a little panicked to be alone.”
- “As a mum with a crossbody purse, this is the best compliment ever, lol. I love that I’m known as my and other kids’ safe space”
How to teach kids what to do if they get lost
Bendler shares that this isn’t the only advice to pay attention to if a child is separated from their parents. He warns to keep advice simple because in a panic, everyone’s judgment can be cloudy.
So, what should you tell your kid? “Do not wander looking for Mom or Dad. Whether it’s in the city, mall, or the woods, stay put. Parents will remember the last place they saw you and come back there,” he recommends telling children. “Approach anyone in a uniform. If not too far away, enter a building or store and ask for help. Make sure your child has mom’s full name and phone number.”
Some families establish a meeting place ahead of entering a public area. Bendler says this can work depending on age, but some kids are too young for this advice. “If the child is above 10 years old and has no phone for some reason, and it is the neighborhood mall we are talking about that the family has visited a dozen times before … then there is no problem arranging to meet their favorite store,” he says.
Choose your location wisely, though, Bendler says — Starbucks isn’t a great pick because there are too many, and stores like Macy’s are just too big!
How parents can be prepared if they lose a kid
Parents can also prepare to ensure they know what to do when they are panicking. Other TikTok advice has shared expert mom tips, including a viral video instructing parents exactly what to do, such as shouting a description of your missing kid rather than yelling their name. “Start loudly looking for them, not silently looking for them — start shouting: ‘I’m looking for a boy, age 5, short brown hair, brown eyes, caucasian, red Nike t-shirt, brown shorts,’” and keep repeating that.
In addition, Bendler says there are a few other things you can do when dealing with a lost kid scenario:
- Split up and return to the place of the last sighting of your child.
- At the same time, call 911/police, who can call mall security or the local security workers at your destination.
- Text police a photo of your child and describe clothing. They have handled calls like these before.
A big takeaway? Start having these conversations with your kids early and openly. Whether you’re instructing them to seek out crossbody bag moms, meet up at your prearranged spot if you get split up, or both, there’s never a bad time to be proactive.
