My daughter came home from school the other day and told me that a boy in her class told her that he couldn’t play “House” with her anymore at recess. That was a “girl game.” While I stood there, shocked and angry, I took a beat and said that games, toys, and colors were not assigned to a certain gender.
She’s five, so she didn’t quite understand, but I did the best I could to explain to her that the boy in her class was learning an old way of thinking about gender stereotypes. She could play House or dinosaurs or soccer or whatever she wants during recess because she’s a kid. It doesn’t matter if she’s a girl or a boy or both or something else.
One man on TikTok (@adivunsolicited) noted that this line of thinking, like that of my daughter’s classmate, is because parents tend to raise boys not to be men but instead not to be women. He recalled a recent conversation with his family that triggered his revelation that growing up, he was often told not to do or say things that a girl would.
He began, “It got me thinking, as a man who grew up as a boy, we’re never actually taught the things that make sense for boys to become good men. Growing up, you always hear, ‘Don’t cry. That’s what girls do. Oh, you throw like a girl. All girls are emotional. Only girls do that. Oh, you care about what you look like. That’s what girls do. Or you wash your face and use face lotion and use moisture right there. That’s what girls do.’”
“And it got me thinking like the mental gymnastics you have to do as a man to learn how to be a man while you’re a man is why so many men don’t have emotional maturity, don’t know what it means to be a good man, and don’t understand the requirements of what it means to be a man.”
He continued, diving into one of the most archaic and rage-worthy stereotypes: women are too emotional, AKA, the entire reason for why the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
“Men can’t be emotional. So, men bottle up our emotions. But in theory, women are more emotional because they’re allowed to be emotional from babies. They’re allowed to express how they feel. They’re allowed to have mood changes and they’re allowed to say that’s normal,” he said.
“Men, if you do that, you are ridiculed. So what happens is I think men become these repressed adults who become irrationally emotional until they act out. And that’s when you get fistfights. That’s when you get men punching the wall. That’s when you get men crashing out.”
That’s when you get war! And police brutality! And most every other problem in our world!
He goes on to say that if you’re stuck in the world of gender being the end-all, be-all, what is the follow-up after correcting a child for exhibiting “girlie” behavior?
“How are you reinforcing what a good man or a good boy-like quality should be in a young man? I think millennials as parents are going to do such a better job … at understanding the mental health of men.”
Several people wrote comments on the video, agreeing with the OP’s thoughts including some sociologists.
“Sociologist here, and this is so true!” one said.
Another wrote, “No wonder some men subconsciously dislike women, being told to never be like this kind of person was never gunna be a good thing. Especially if those ppl get to be full human beings and you don’t.”
“Men are allowed one emotion ‘anger.’ Make it make sense,” another said.
