Growing up, I always had a pretty great relationship with my mom. We may have gotten on each other’s nerves every so often, particularly during those teenage years when everything that your parents did was the most horrifying thing in the world. But at the end of the day, she was my safe place: a constant comforting presence I could always rely on for support, guidance, and unwavering love.
As I grew into an adult, that bond only continued to get stronger. We talked every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Her distinct, boisterous laugh, which I remember rolling my eyes at in embarrassment as a kid, grew to become one of my favorite sounds in the world. She was the life of every party — a social savant who had a smile and kind word for everyone she met. You could have one conversation with her and instantly feel like you’ve been friends forever.
She simply had that way about her.
Every kid, if they’re lucky, thinks they have the best mom in the world, and I’m no different. She was a one-of-a-kind, truly remarkable human being — my port in a storm. And I knew that as long as I had her, everything would be alright. But on Aug. 2, 2024, after an over two-year battle with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I was forced to say goodbye to the greatest woman I’ve ever known. It was the worst day of my life, and the pain and grief that’s followed hasn’t been easy. I miss her more than words can say, and now, even so many months later, it still feels impossible to believe that she’s gone.
Holidays have proven to be particularly difficult, considering the central role she always played in those special moments. Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, my own birthday — these have all been firsts that I’ve had to experience without her this year. Yet the one holiday I’ve dreaded facing the most was Mother’s Day.
All days without Mom are hard. But this day, which is solely dedicated to celebrating moms, filled me with dread. Social media platforms become a smorgasbord of mom-skewed content, further reminding me of the aching void that now exists in my heart. At first, it was impossible to fathom how I could navigate my way through this day without her. But that’s when I realized that I don’t have to. Not really. Because while I may not be able to talk or laugh with my mom directly, there are still so many ways I can celebrate her memory and pay tribute to the wonderful mom and grandma that she was.
Lean Into Social Media
Admittedly, my initial reaction was to do the exact opposite of this and avoid being online the entire day. But oddly enough, I think it might actually be more comforting for me to lean into the whole social media aspect of it all. For so many years, I’ve posted tributes to Mom for Mother’s Day, and I see no reason to stop carrying on that tradition now. Sharing pictures of her beautiful life and our many wonderful times together feels like the perfect way to honor her memory.
It also allows others to see the post and take a moment to think of her, or perhaps even inspire them to share a memory about her of their own. I love hearing stories about her and the Lucy Ricardo-level hijinks she always seemed to get herself into. So if there’s an opportunity to hear more about those classic Mom moments, you better believe I’m gonna take it.
Watch One of Her Favorite Movies
Mom and I watched countless movies together throughout the years, but there are a few films in particular that I will always associate with her, no matter how much time has gone by. One example would be the Barbra Streisand classic Funny Girl. It was always one of Mom’s favorites and something I distinctly remember watching with her, even as a kid. My mom was never much of a singer, but what she might have lacked in talent she more than made up for in enthusiasm, which typically resulted in her belting out “Don’t Rain On My Parade” and “Sadie, Sadie” at the top of her lungs.
Wear Something of Hers
Being an only child, I inherited a lot of Mom’s possessions. Naturally, looking through all of it makes me think of her, but there’s one item that I believe will be particularly fitting to wear on Mother’s Day. One Christmas after her diagnosis, I gave her half of a split heart mother-daughter pendant and kept the other half for myself. I even had our names engraved on the backs. When she died, I put both halves of the heart together on one chain as a way to make her feel close to me. It may seem like an insignificant gesture to some, but it’s become one of my favorite pieces of jewelry to wear in everyday life as well as on special occasions — like Mother’s Day.
Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
My son is only 4 years old, and it’s heartbreaking to think that years from now he won’t have many (if any) memories of my mom. They had such a sweet relationship together, and the way he looked at her sometimes made it seem like he somehow knew, even as a baby, that he was looking at someone special. I want to believe that he’ll always remember her, but one way I can help make that happen is by looking back on photos of her with him.
Throughout my childhood, my mom put together massive photo albums, chronicling all the various moments of my life. After she died, I took great comfort in looking back at them, just staring down at her smiling face. It helped to remember that before all the doctors’ visits and chemo treatments, there were so many years of happiness and love that we got to share. And that’s how I want my son to remember her. So on Mother’s Day, we’ll make a point of sitting down together and looking through pictures of his grandma, who loved him more than words could ever say.
Give My Son Extra Snuggles
Being a mom now myself, I also want to try to make a point of celebrating my own motherhood. Mom set a high bar when it comes to parenting, and it’s something I will strive to live up to every day. So even though there are definitely days that I want a break from all the mommy duties, I think this year I’m going to spend as much time with my son as possible — even if it means playing dinosaurs for an hour or watching his favorite Paw Patrol episode for the millionth time. After all, whenever I look into that sweet face, I see an awful lot of my mom in there. And as much as she loved being a mom, she perhaps loved being a grandma even more. So I’m going to give him extra snuggles and love that day on her behalf.
Donate To Pancreatic Cancer Research
Pancreatic cancer is what took my mom from me, so I can’t think of a better way to honor her than by continuing the fight she started over two years ago. Donating to places like Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN) may not bring her back, but it could help further the cause in fighting against this horrible disease so that, hopefully, a breakthrough cure can be found one day and no family will have to go through what we went through ever again. So I’ll take the money I usually would spend on a gift for her and use it to help create a better world. Because that’s what mom did every day of her life.
Deep in my heart, I know that Mother’s Day won’t ever feel the same again. And since everyone grieves for loved ones in different ways, some of these suggestions might not work for others who have experienced a similar loss. This is simply how I’m choosing to further express my love to the woman who loved and supported me from the moment I took my first breath. Missing her continues to be an uphill battle, but paying tribute to the fabulous human that she was helps make me feel closer to her. Because even though she’s gone, I’ll never stop celebrating — and being eternally grateful for — the fact that she was here and that I was lucky enough to be in the path of her shining orbit.