55+ New Year’s Eve Jokes To Make The End Of The Year A Real Blast

If you have little ones, most likely you will be celebrating New Year’s Eve waaaaay before the ball drops — and then promptly falling asleep in a pile of sparkly fedoras and noisemakers that sound like sick cows. That’s OK! Make the most of your abbreviated New Year’s Eve by telling your tiny party animals these clean, kid-friendly New Year’s Eve jokes.

But don’t feel like you can’t enjoy these gems if you do have big plans to stay up past midnight on Dec. 31. Maybe you plan on putting your kiddos to bed and then keeping the NYE party rolling. Well, we’re here to tell you that these wholesome jokes are an excellent way to start your year off on the right foot — in laughter.

While you’re looking toward the next 365 days, you should also check out our pages on achievable New Year’s resolutions, funny New Year’s resolutions, and funny New Year’s quotes. For now, though, enjoy these clean NYE knee-slappers.

New Year’s Eve Jokes to Tell Before the Ball Drops

1. Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? It’s too far to walk.
2. What did the little champagne bottle call his father? Pop!
3. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out.
4. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? To start off the new year in a cool way.
5. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
6. What do you say to your friends on New Year’s Eve? “I haven’t seen you since last year.”
7. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the new year.
8. Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
9. What does a ghost say on Jan. 1? “Happy Boo Year!”
10. What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve? Hogs and kisses.
11. What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne”? A liar.
12. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!
13. What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve? “Meow.”
14. What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE? One was charged and the other was let off.
15. What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve? Firecrackers.
16. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve? You’ll spill your punch all over.
17. What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day? “Happy New Cheer!”
18. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.
19. I was going to quit all of my bad habits for the new year… But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
20. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square… It’s such a nice reminder of what I did all year.
21. What is a corn’s favorite holiday? New Ear’s Day.
22. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year.
23. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cheese. Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.
24. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass and toast the New Year.
25. How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions? They go in one year and out the other.
26. What do you use in the bathroom on Jan. 1 after No. 2? A New Year’s bidet.
27. Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown? So you can start the New Year on the right foot.
28. What’s the best New Year’s resolution? 1080p.
29. Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31? He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
30. Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown? Calendar companies.
31. Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve… December 31st.
32. They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — they drop the ball every year.
33. My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate… But I will wait till tomorrow to start.
34. I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!! Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible
35. How did Prince celebrate the new millennium? He partied like it was 1999.
36. What does a dad say on New Year’s Eve? “I promise I won’t tell any more dad jokes this year.”
37. Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the punchline.
38. What does a field grow on Jan. 1? New Year’s hay.
39. What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31? New Year’s Steve.
40. Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve? Because 9, 8, 7….
41. Why did the mom buy calendars on New Year’s Eve? She wanted to buy more time with her kids.
42. What New Year’s resolution guarantees success? Making a resolution to break your resolution.
43. I’m not buying a 2022 calendar… until I see the trailer.
44. What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.
45. Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve… There was a countdown.
46. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve… Middle age is when you’re forced to.
47. What was the Amityville priest’s New Year’s resolution? To exorcise more.
48. What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turns over a new leaf.
49. What was Che Guevara’s New Year’s resolution? A New Year’s revolution.
50. What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.
51. What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more? Watch TV with subtitles.
52. What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31? “Happy New Fear!”
53. What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? “It’s New Year’s, Eve.”
54. Why did the mom sprinkle sugar on her kids’ pillows on New Year’s Eve? She wanted to start their year with sweet dreams.
55. What do you call a snowman party on New Year’s Eve? A snowball.
56. Why did the man put money in the blender on New Year’s Eve? He wanted to make some liquid assets.
57. What did the dog say on New Year’s Day? “Woof, it’s been a ruff year!”